Hi Suzy, it's so good to hear from you. Writing has been good for me and I've been able to do it more as we travel. Traveling has been a good choice for us. We are not planning on settling down any time soon, although we are going back to NH for the summer. Love you!
So lovely. Itseems good to me that you are in the grief and the sadness without losing yourself. My experience tells me that doing so is the only way to heal - that is not to say to get over it. That would be to waste the grief and gain nothing. Healing allows the grief to soften and shape you in a way that gives joy permission to return without sacrificing grief's nurturing caress.
Beautiful, vivid writing. The past and the present at the same time. Me and my Dad took a walk on a trail in Ocala Forest in central Florida where The Yearling was set. It was way out in the middle of nowhere, not another living soul, just birdsong. We didn't get very far in at all, we looked at each other, and turned around. I don't know what it was, haunted maybe.
Haha haunted, like Kristen said too! I was mostly not scared to be in the swamp by myself but one time I was in there at dusk and I heard a loud GROWL nearby. I ran about a mile back to civilization. Later I realized the growl was probably a wild pig (do they growl?) but I was too creeped out to go back at dusk again.
Lovely story telling. (and you'd expect this next part from me .) and why in the name of St. Tommy Chong's stigmata would you quit drinking? I don't need to know, but I will carry that flag until you come back to the fecund fields of Alstead.
Haha those fecund fields! Don't worry, we're remaining flexible with ALL decisions in life. After all, we're near Austin right now which seems to be one of the beer capitols of the world. Thanks for reading!
I, mostly, have stopped drinking since Han died. It’s almost entirely lost its appeal. Sometimes I will see friends and have a drink, but it becomes less appealing as I drink it. In the earlier days of grief, too many drinks would leave me crippled when it came to winding down that night. Uncontrollable thoughts and feelings, and always always night sweats. Who would choose to drink knowing these things lay waiting?
Thanks for sharing where you are at and what you are thinking/feeling. My husband and I sold our baby’s home and put my stuff in storage at my parent’s house. We’re traveling and on the hunt for a home? Or something else. I’m not always certain.
Hi Amy, thank you for reading and commenting. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Han.
Drinking and grief is its own little world of questions and feelings. My husband and I self-medicated with alcohol in the months after our daughter died. We had to. It was all I had to look forward to at the end of the day. But then, like for you, it mostly lost its appeal. Now I feel like the brief lift of drinking is not worth the price of insomnia and the emotional crash that can come after that fleeting artificial happiness.
"Home... or something else." I get it. We are looking too, but I'm not sure what we're looking for.
Played around with having a few cocktails last night to celebrate a friends birthday. It might have been the first time that I “went out” since my son died. I’ve gone out to eat for dinner, but often that was almost as practical as it was social. This was almost entirely social! And I got there early and drank a cider by myself and the bar and just soaked it in. It was nice. I am prone to absolutes and self judgment, it’s something I am trying to let go of. I had fun with my friend, I have a little hangover, I took something for it, drank some water, and now I will make myself a coffee and move on with my day and not issue too many judgments on myself for having a nice night.
I don’t know if you want this update, but I was thinking of you. 🩵
I'm glad you were able to have a nice night and you are so right to allow yourself to let go of judgement. We are already carrying the weight of so much sadness, finding any small moments of pleasure is a necessity.
Laughing, sobbing, admiring, and yearning for more - all the things that excellent writing do for me. You are a spectacular person and writer, and I can hardly wait for the next "letter"!
Evocative, thought provoking, beautiful. Had to hold back the tears lest they lead me down a rabbit hole. Glad that you keep moving forward in your grief as well as your vehicle.
I'm so happy you are doing this for yourself, and letting us all in on it. Your writing is superb. I love you and Eric (and Keeks) so so so much!! Often thinking about how y'all are doing, now I know. 💜
I love this......we all can share our real human struggles and successes...but your journey and story resinate with us all...lots of love to you and Eric..cant wait to follow all your observations and stories!
"Getting over" grief... as if it were a wall. In my mind this doesn't fit. As I sit by my window at the end of March in the Adirondacks, I look at the trees... I think of trees I've seen. Birches permanently bent by ice storms... burls on cherry trees... white pine with broken limbs... they won't return to their former state. They won't "get over" these events. They survive in new, different ways. Other trees' root and mycelial networks often assist the tree. It is the way. We often walk through the woods, see this, and allow it without nary a thought... You and Eric have experienced a great loss. I will never expect you to "get over it"- but I do have faith that you can continue to grow. You have a vast network of love around you. Thank you for sharing your update on silence, solitude, swamps... sounds like some deep healing to me.
You are so right. Getting over would mean you'd have to stop loving. All we can do with loss and grief is make them part of us. They belong to our souls as does the love we feel for our departed ones.
First I read it, then I listened to you read it. We haven't spoken in a long time so it's lovely to hear your voice! I've been waiting for inspiration to strike, to write some words of comfort or wisdom, as you did when Larry Joe died. I'm not unfamiliar with grief (that bitch) but have absolutely no words... Found out the hard way that there's just no escaping her; now I know you know this, and am happy that y'all are finding/making your new way through the world. (I read Knausgard to escape into the minutae of another world... and read & read & read, lol.) Love to you, and Eric, too.
So good to hear from you Amy! Thank you for reading, and listening too. Reading to escape into another world is one of my ways to survive also... although I have not ventured into anything with thousands of pages yet, haha. Sending love
This is so amazing and so beautifully written and read. Such imagery. So personal. What an incredible way to express yourself and give the listener such a better understanding of grief. Truly lovely. Thank you so much for sharing.
Hi Suzy, it's so good to hear from you. Writing has been good for me and I've been able to do it more as we travel. Traveling has been a good choice for us. We are not planning on settling down any time soon, although we are going back to NH for the summer. Love you!
So lovely. Itseems good to me that you are in the grief and the sadness without losing yourself. My experience tells me that doing so is the only way to heal - that is not to say to get over it. That would be to waste the grief and gain nothing. Healing allows the grief to soften and shape you in a way that gives joy permission to return without sacrificing grief's nurturing caress.
Thank you Peter, this is beautifully said.
I love everything about this. And look forward to your thoughts from Mississippi.
Northern FL. and especially Melrose always felt so haunted to me- and your writing brought back vivid memories❤️
P.S. That first photo🩷🧡💛💜
Thank you Kristen! Haunted is a good word for it, and funny Lila used the same word!
Honest, engaging, poignant, and very funny. Makes me miss you guys. Looking forward to the next one.
thank you Mike and thanks also for sharing the link
Beautiful, vivid writing. The past and the present at the same time. Me and my Dad took a walk on a trail in Ocala Forest in central Florida where The Yearling was set. It was way out in the middle of nowhere, not another living soul, just birdsong. We didn't get very far in at all, we looked at each other, and turned around. I don't know what it was, haunted maybe.
Haha haunted, like Kristen said too! I was mostly not scared to be in the swamp by myself but one time I was in there at dusk and I heard a loud GROWL nearby. I ran about a mile back to civilization. Later I realized the growl was probably a wild pig (do they growl?) but I was too creeped out to go back at dusk again.
I would call that a bush growler!
Lovely story telling. (and you'd expect this next part from me .) and why in the name of St. Tommy Chong's stigmata would you quit drinking? I don't need to know, but I will carry that flag until you come back to the fecund fields of Alstead.
Haha those fecund fields! Don't worry, we're remaining flexible with ALL decisions in life. After all, we're near Austin right now which seems to be one of the beer capitols of the world. Thanks for reading!
I, mostly, have stopped drinking since Han died. It’s almost entirely lost its appeal. Sometimes I will see friends and have a drink, but it becomes less appealing as I drink it. In the earlier days of grief, too many drinks would leave me crippled when it came to winding down that night. Uncontrollable thoughts and feelings, and always always night sweats. Who would choose to drink knowing these things lay waiting?
Thanks for sharing where you are at and what you are thinking/feeling. My husband and I sold our baby’s home and put my stuff in storage at my parent’s house. We’re traveling and on the hunt for a home? Or something else. I’m not always certain.
Hi Amy, thank you for reading and commenting. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Han.
Drinking and grief is its own little world of questions and feelings. My husband and I self-medicated with alcohol in the months after our daughter died. We had to. It was all I had to look forward to at the end of the day. But then, like for you, it mostly lost its appeal. Now I feel like the brief lift of drinking is not worth the price of insomnia and the emotional crash that can come after that fleeting artificial happiness.
"Home... or something else." I get it. We are looking too, but I'm not sure what we're looking for.
Played around with having a few cocktails last night to celebrate a friends birthday. It might have been the first time that I “went out” since my son died. I’ve gone out to eat for dinner, but often that was almost as practical as it was social. This was almost entirely social! And I got there early and drank a cider by myself and the bar and just soaked it in. It was nice. I am prone to absolutes and self judgment, it’s something I am trying to let go of. I had fun with my friend, I have a little hangover, I took something for it, drank some water, and now I will make myself a coffee and move on with my day and not issue too many judgments on myself for having a nice night.
I don’t know if you want this update, but I was thinking of you. 🩵
Yes, I want the update!
I'm glad you were able to have a nice night and you are so right to allow yourself to let go of judgement. We are already carrying the weight of so much sadness, finding any small moments of pleasure is a necessity.
Thanks for your comments. I sent you a DM.
Laughing, sobbing, admiring, and yearning for more - all the things that excellent writing do for me. You are a spectacular person and writer, and I can hardly wait for the next "letter"!
Thank you and love you!!!!
Evocative, thought provoking, beautiful. Had to hold back the tears lest they lead me down a rabbit hole. Glad that you keep moving forward in your grief as well as your vehicle.
Thanks Ellen, it's good to hear from you.
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your journey with us ❤️
Thanks for reading Erin!
I'm so happy you are doing this for yourself, and letting us all in on it. Your writing is superb. I love you and Eric (and Keeks) so so so much!! Often thinking about how y'all are doing, now I know. 💜
Good to hear from you Cliff, and thanks for reading.
I love this......we all can share our real human struggles and successes...but your journey and story resinate with us all...lots of love to you and Eric..cant wait to follow all your observations and stories!
Thank you Mark!
"Getting over" grief... as if it were a wall. In my mind this doesn't fit. As I sit by my window at the end of March in the Adirondacks, I look at the trees... I think of trees I've seen. Birches permanently bent by ice storms... burls on cherry trees... white pine with broken limbs... they won't return to their former state. They won't "get over" these events. They survive in new, different ways. Other trees' root and mycelial networks often assist the tree. It is the way. We often walk through the woods, see this, and allow it without nary a thought... You and Eric have experienced a great loss. I will never expect you to "get over it"- but I do have faith that you can continue to grow. You have a vast network of love around you. Thank you for sharing your update on silence, solitude, swamps... sounds like some deep healing to me.
Beautiful metaphor of the trees, maybe that's why I feel comforted in the woods lately... thank you for reading, and for your thoughtful comments.
You are so right. Getting over would mean you'd have to stop loving. All we can do with loss and grief is make them part of us. They belong to our souls as does the love we feel for our departed ones.
Tina your writing and storytelling is remarkable -I love you so much and will be excited to follow along as your tale unfolds 💜
Thank you Kerensa, I love hearing from you!
First I read it, then I listened to you read it. We haven't spoken in a long time so it's lovely to hear your voice! I've been waiting for inspiration to strike, to write some words of comfort or wisdom, as you did when Larry Joe died. I'm not unfamiliar with grief (that bitch) but have absolutely no words... Found out the hard way that there's just no escaping her; now I know you know this, and am happy that y'all are finding/making your new way through the world. (I read Knausgard to escape into the minutae of another world... and read & read & read, lol.) Love to you, and Eric, too.
So good to hear from you Amy! Thank you for reading, and listening too. Reading to escape into another world is one of my ways to survive also... although I have not ventured into anything with thousands of pages yet, haha. Sending love
This is so amazing and so beautifully written and read. Such imagery. So personal. What an incredible way to express yourself and give the listener such a better understanding of grief. Truly lovely. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you for your feedback Betsy, it means so much to me.