This is wonderful! I’ve known a lot of loss in my 67 years on Earth and always believed that it’s important to understand that loss is a part of loving, to embrace the sadness along with the good times. But how? Your essay helped me with that. I just subscribed to your Substack and will upgrade to paid soon.
Gah!!! I love this piece so much, Tina. The drive, the Ghost Mom, all of it is so beautiful and so beautifully written.
When you mentioned how living without mirrors always makes you feel you look better than you do, I chortled out loud. This is a truth I can personally attest to. A while back, I’d been on the road and very much on the wild parts of the road (like a whole lot of the middle of nowhere) for a long time. I stopped at my sister’s to stay for a few weeks. And suddenly I was walking past full-length mirrors and thinking, so that’s what you’ve been looking like? Huh. 🤣
Hi Holly, I'm so glad you liked this story, that means a lot coming from you!
Haha yes the mirror thing is very funny! I just got my hair cut for the first time in a year. I haven't found the balance between being low-maintenance and feral, but I love having the freedom to not care. 😊
And I do find it fluctuates—the caring and not caring. I’m learning there’s also, for me, a freedom in not caring about which place I’m in. Not to be convoluted. I mean, I used to judge myself a bit when I was caring more, and I’m learning to be like, Girl, you do you. A little yes/and. :)
I love that you took your ghost Mom on a drive! I think I might do that this afternoon. We live on the opposite coast and our views are vineyards but it is the freedom we get from cruising with the top down and wishing on a star!
"I always think I look better than I do" oh man I chuckled at this one - same same. A decent mirror is indeed hard to find but I also like the one in my house - it's kinder than the one in Target for some reason - I think it's the lighting. I too have found myself about to purchase something at an extraordinary price - sitting in a chair, with a stomach ache - thinking wait? what? I'm glad you forgave yourself - those situations are always so ridiculous - like the old snake oil salesmen - step right up!! be prepared to be amazed!! and we all want to be amazed - and feel pretty - but not for a thousand dollars and not if it means having to buy more dresses. I appreciated the small closet in our trailer so much - the forced limitation. Sending you warm thoughts for walking with ghosts (loved the long format and the photos you shared - your writing is so wonderful thank you for sharing it with us)
Just read this - I'm laughing and loving every word. My daughter and grand daughter and I head to Palm Beach via A1A once a year to have lunch at The Pink Palace and walk up and down Worth Avenue. We leave our little concrete block pink house in Pompano Beach behind, and pretend we belong to that other world for a few hours. I can't help but wonder if they will go back there some day and I will be the ghost along with them!
Oh Janice, I'm happy to hear about your Palm Beach jaunts with your girls! It's a great outing. Sounds like we were neighbors, I know Pompano well. Thanks so much for reading and commenting.
Thank You, maybe we will meet on that street some day, you will know me by my very ordinary appearance, even though you will probably notice I'm trying to look my best for the occasion !
"I’m talking about the kind of ghosts who appear when you return to the one place that still breaks your heart." I love this line especially. It makes me feel not alone in twinges of wistful nostalgia that hit daily, for one reason or another! Beautiful piece, as they all are. xo
I loved this little jaunt. Your description of Jim's passing really struck me, I liked that you described the house where it happened. I think all of our lives involve a collection of sadnesses like those. It reminded me of my first cat's passing, in our little house in Idaho with dark wooden floors. Something about the environment of the home adds texture and color to the memory. Thanks for letting us come along with you on this trip. <3
I appreciate you mentioning this. I wasn't sure about putting the details in about the house but it seemed like it needed something extra there. It's funny how you remember the floors of your Idaho house, that's a detail I remember from all my houses. Thanks so much for reading!
"Ghosts can be tiring and I was done for the day" - I loved this line. Our mental energy is a currency and sometimes we're just spent.
This line also resonated with me "It could be where you made your worst decision, or had the best year of your life" Revisiting places is always interesting. You may realize that things weren't that great when you revisit, or you may truly feel like it was the best and feel some sadness - always a mixed bag!
Beautiful, Tina. I relate so much to this world of ghost people and ghost places and have had similar experiences on the island where I grew up in Surf City, New Jersey.
Hey Teen, that was SO beautiful. You just took me along on that ride with you and Ma and I didn't want it to end. These chapters are so uplifting and at the same time bittersweet and melancholy.
Your description of losing Jim had me fighting back tears thinking of how I would feel if we lost Gooshie - she's going to be 4 yrs old next month so, being a chihuahua we hopefully have a lot of good years left (for her and us)...love you Teen...Mike
I always look forward to your comments. Thanks so much for reading! I'm glad you liked the ride. Gooshie is almost 4, how did that happen? Yes, hopefully many happy years still ahead!
Always am drawn into your world like it is my own . Tears always too. They are welcome to me, someone who never felt like crying too much in times of my own grief. Thanks for the sweet catharsis.
I am at the public library and I'm saving this for later because the first three paragraphs had me close to tears. All the things that make me feel are encapsulated in your beautiful writing - past lives, ghost lives, sweet sweet dogs. I'll be back!
Always enjoy your stories, especially the audio versions. Your emotions come through including the ghosts ❤️
Thank you Donna, it's great to hear from you. So glad we're connected here!
This is wonderful! I’ve known a lot of loss in my 67 years on Earth and always believed that it’s important to understand that loss is a part of loving, to embrace the sadness along with the good times. But how? Your essay helped me with that. I just subscribed to your Substack and will upgrade to paid soon.
Thank you Michie. You put it so well, "loss is a part of loving, to embrace the sadness along with the good times." I'm glad to have you here.
Gah!!! I love this piece so much, Tina. The drive, the Ghost Mom, all of it is so beautiful and so beautifully written.
When you mentioned how living without mirrors always makes you feel you look better than you do, I chortled out loud. This is a truth I can personally attest to. A while back, I’d been on the road and very much on the wild parts of the road (like a whole lot of the middle of nowhere) for a long time. I stopped at my sister’s to stay for a few weeks. And suddenly I was walking past full-length mirrors and thinking, so that’s what you’ve been looking like? Huh. 🤣
Hi Holly, I'm so glad you liked this story, that means a lot coming from you!
Haha yes the mirror thing is very funny! I just got my hair cut for the first time in a year. I haven't found the balance between being low-maintenance and feral, but I love having the freedom to not care. 😊
Me too.
And I do find it fluctuates—the caring and not caring. I’m learning there’s also, for me, a freedom in not caring about which place I’m in. Not to be convoluted. I mean, I used to judge myself a bit when I was caring more, and I’m learning to be like, Girl, you do you. A little yes/and. :)
I love that you took your ghost Mom on a drive! I think I might do that this afternoon. We live on the opposite coast and our views are vineyards but it is the freedom we get from cruising with the top down and wishing on a star!
Hi Kathleen, that sounds like a good plan for today! Enjoy your Sunday and thanks so much for reading.
"I always think I look better than I do" oh man I chuckled at this one - same same. A decent mirror is indeed hard to find but I also like the one in my house - it's kinder than the one in Target for some reason - I think it's the lighting. I too have found myself about to purchase something at an extraordinary price - sitting in a chair, with a stomach ache - thinking wait? what? I'm glad you forgave yourself - those situations are always so ridiculous - like the old snake oil salesmen - step right up!! be prepared to be amazed!! and we all want to be amazed - and feel pretty - but not for a thousand dollars and not if it means having to buy more dresses. I appreciated the small closet in our trailer so much - the forced limitation. Sending you warm thoughts for walking with ghosts (loved the long format and the photos you shared - your writing is so wonderful thank you for sharing it with us)
Thank you so much Sarah! I'm glad to hear you liked this and can relate. I appreciate hearing from you!
Just read this - I'm laughing and loving every word. My daughter and grand daughter and I head to Palm Beach via A1A once a year to have lunch at The Pink Palace and walk up and down Worth Avenue. We leave our little concrete block pink house in Pompano Beach behind, and pretend we belong to that other world for a few hours. I can't help but wonder if they will go back there some day and I will be the ghost along with them!
Oh Janice, I'm happy to hear about your Palm Beach jaunts with your girls! It's a great outing. Sounds like we were neighbors, I know Pompano well. Thanks so much for reading and commenting.
Thank You, maybe we will meet on that street some day, you will know me by my very ordinary appearance, even though you will probably notice I'm trying to look my best for the occasion !
"I’m talking about the kind of ghosts who appear when you return to the one place that still breaks your heart." I love this line especially. It makes me feel not alone in twinges of wistful nostalgia that hit daily, for one reason or another! Beautiful piece, as they all are. xo
Thank you so much Stacy! Daily twinges of nostalgia, I like that phrase and I totally understand the feelings.
I loved every word. Thank you for sharing such meaningful and personal memories.
Thank you Dianne, I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
I loved this little jaunt. Your description of Jim's passing really struck me, I liked that you described the house where it happened. I think all of our lives involve a collection of sadnesses like those. It reminded me of my first cat's passing, in our little house in Idaho with dark wooden floors. Something about the environment of the home adds texture and color to the memory. Thanks for letting us come along with you on this trip. <3
I appreciate you mentioning this. I wasn't sure about putting the details in about the house but it seemed like it needed something extra there. It's funny how you remember the floors of your Idaho house, that's a detail I remember from all my houses. Thanks so much for reading!
feel like I was a wonderful ride. no, not too long.
Thank you for coming along for the ride, Stuart!
Thanks for taking us with you and Jim and Ghost Mom down A1A. (And the pig photo rocks.) :) xo
Thank you Christa!
"Ghosts can be tiring and I was done for the day" - I loved this line. Our mental energy is a currency and sometimes we're just spent.
This line also resonated with me "It could be where you made your worst decision, or had the best year of your life" Revisiting places is always interesting. You may realize that things weren't that great when you revisit, or you may truly feel like it was the best and feel some sadness - always a mixed bag!
Thanks so much Istiaq. I always appreciate your comments. Thanks for reading!
Beautiful, Tina. I relate so much to this world of ghost people and ghost places and have had similar experiences on the island where I grew up in Surf City, New Jersey.
Thank you Lila! I figured you could relate. Thanks for reading!
Hey Teen, that was SO beautiful. You just took me along on that ride with you and Ma and I didn't want it to end. These chapters are so uplifting and at the same time bittersweet and melancholy.
Your description of losing Jim had me fighting back tears thinking of how I would feel if we lost Gooshie - she's going to be 4 yrs old next month so, being a chihuahua we hopefully have a lot of good years left (for her and us)...love you Teen...Mike
I always look forward to your comments. Thanks so much for reading! I'm glad you liked the ride. Gooshie is almost 4, how did that happen? Yes, hopefully many happy years still ahead!
Always am drawn into your world like it is my own . Tears always too. They are welcome to me, someone who never felt like crying too much in times of my own grief. Thanks for the sweet catharsis.
Yes, tears can be a good relief. Thanks so much for reading, Nanette.
I am at the public library and I'm saving this for later because the first three paragraphs had me close to tears. All the things that make me feel are encapsulated in your beautiful writing - past lives, ghost lives, sweet sweet dogs. I'll be back!
Thank you Grace!